Being a woman, I realize from my own awareness’s and other women around me that we think we are valuable and lovable for things that we do or a status that we hold. Are we really only lovable if we have a great job that brings in substantial income, raise outstanding children,  keep a clean home or prepare meals like an iron chef? Perhaps the mind  tells us to fulfill one of these things or something different. What does your mind tell you? Perhaps there is a list of things that the mind is telling us to accomplish and THEN we will be lovable. What does that mean exactly? What does it really mean to be lovable? Is it that we are finally worthy to find ourselves as good and whole? Is it that we are finally able to accept a compliment without brushing it away? I remember I used to respond to the question “what do you do” with, “I am JUST a stay at home mom,” and I would feel bad about it! There was something inside of me that said that “job” wasn’t good enough. What did I have to do to become lovable and worthy? Would me working make me more acceptable and lovable? What if I had no job and no kids and my husband supported me, am I worthy of love?

What I have become aware of is that we are only love and when we don’t see ourselves as such we are blocking ourselves from seeing it. We don’t have to do anything to be worthy of love. I believe we are all a sliver of God, the Divine, Source, whatever you would like to call it. We as souls, wandering around on this planet are all part of God, who is only unconditional love. So if I am created from unconditional love, this would mean that I am love. The question is, why do I feel so bad about myself?

It’s because we learn at a young age that “we are bad,” “we make mistakes,” “we do something ‘wrong’ and get punished” etc. Well my friends, it’s all an illusion. Our minds go haywire leading us to believe “it” knows how to make us fit in, feel acceptable and become lovable. We must listen to our minds. It’s not true!

It’s time we realize that WE ARE ALL a part of God and the only reason we ever feel bad about ourselves is because we have simply forgotten that. If we are not living a life everyday looking in the mirror saying “I love you” it’s our mind telling us “not yet…you will be lovable when….” THIS IS NOT TRUE! In fact it’s impossible! We are already love! Accept this fact! What I realized is that it was ME that was blocking myself from feeling acceptable and lovable. No one else had that power over me, it’s how I THINK I am seeing myself in the world.

Is the person living on the streets as a homeless person and a socialite in NYC deserve any more or less love? Each person is simply having a different GOD experience. God is flowing through both people, having beautiful experiences in both scenarios. Life is just a series of experiences and we are lovable in each and every one of them.

The mind tends to term something as bad or unlovable if what you are doing or how you are living is not meeting the minds (ego) expectations.

How do we break this?

Ask yourself one question…

“What do I have to do or when will I become lovable?”

I encourage you to really sit with this question and find your truth on it.

The answer may surprise you…you might already be lovable.

Who hasn’t ended a day with this statement? We have all had terrible days. How the heck does this happen? How can we prevent this from happening? My 11 year old son had a “terrible day” experience and changed his next day to a fantastic day. If HE can do it, ANYONE CAN!

My son started school yesterday. He was nervous and mad he did not get placed in his friend’s class. He is in a new school this year and doesn’t know anyone but one child. I had requested that my son be placed in his friend’s class it didn’t happen.

My son got on the bus with nervousness and excitement.

The day went by and my husband and I greeted him as he got off the bus. He broke into tears and said, “I had a terrible day!” I didn’t make friends, no one talked to me, I don’t have ‘David’ in my class, the whole day was awful!

We gave him hugs and lots of love, as I know my son and he would be fine eventually, it was his mindset that was broken or “off.”

The next morning I drove him to school. We were almost to school and I asked him, “What kind of day are you going to have today?” He said, “I don’t know, the day hasn’t started.” I explained to him that with his mind, he will create his day as being great, terrible or mediocre. We must set our intentions in the morning. I then asked him to pick one thing he liked about the day before, not even loved but liked. He said he really liked playing kick ball with the other kids, even though it was only for 10 minutes.

I said, “Perfect!” “Focus on kickball and how much you enjoyed it.” He did this for just a few seconds. I asked him how that felt in his body and he said “good, really good.” I told him to think about that kickball game from the day before as much as he could for the rest of the day and that this will change his day today. I also suggested that he holds that intention that he will have a really good day today, make new friends and sit with some really cool kids at lunch. He rebutted with, “But mom, how can that happen so fast?” He had a few more “but’s” and I asked him again, “What kind of day was he going to have.” He responded, “Great.”

We met him as he got off the bus and he was ear to ear smiles. His response was, “I had a GREAT day!” “I met a ton of kids today, sat with 10 kids at lunch, blah blah, blah.” He didn’t stop talking for about 15 minutes about his great day.

I reminded him that he created his day by what he focused on. He remembered our earlier car conversation and replied, ”YOU’RE RIGHT!”

How Can I Create My Day?  EASILY!

1.  Wake up and decide what kind of day you are going to have. Do not live by default and let the day just happen and unfold as it may. Allow it to unfold with your intention as the focus.

2.   Think/Imagine something that makes you feel good. This action step for the mind shifts your point of attraction. If you wake up in a bad mood, the rest of your day will not be great-it is law! Like attracts like.

If you want a great day, create your vibration in the morning to one of an expanded state of gratefulness and love. It’s the highest state we can be in.

I sit every morning for 2 minutes on my front steps and watch my son walk to the bus. I hold gratitude for him, our lovely morning  and breakfast we eat together, our conversations, our special good night kiss, the tree’s in the front yard (they are at least 100 years old-beautiful), my health and then I just sit and be with these positive emotions. THIS is how to start the day. It’s 2 minutes that sets the stage for the next 16 hours! If my 11 year old can accomplish this, we adults can too.

Many of you have asked me if the stories in the previous post “I Challenge You,” were real or made up. They are ALL REAL!

I realize that it’s hard to believe that by spending 2 minutes (or less) a day feeling gratitude/appreciation about someone or something we can change relationships with whomever or whatever we are focusing on. BUT, in 2 words…THIS WORKS! I have had countless examples come in since I wrote this blog post.

BUT HOW?

When we focus on something and hold appreciation/gratitude for it we are actually filling our bodies with more light. When we fill up with more light energy we then attract more light to us.  Simply stated, light energy is love energy. Because the law of attraction is always in force, just as the law of gravity is always in force, when we fill ourselves with love we can then only attract more love into our lives! Remember, like attracts like. It’s a real simple formula and works very quickly.

THE DILEMMA

It’s difficult to spend time focusing on the good in someone we don’t have a great relationship with, let alone that we are upset with. Our ego/mind makes us question ourselves with ideas like, “Why would you feel love let alone gratitude for someone that has hurt you?” “Don’t let them “win” this, they need to be punished!” Our ego/mind finds a ton or reasons to keep us “right” but the problem is, whether we are right or not, it keeps us stuck where we are. We remain unhappy, uncomfortable and miserable when we think of this person,  unable to move into a healthier relationship with the person we are wanting to heal the relationship with!

DON’T BE RIGHT, BE HAPPY!

So stop being right and simply be happy. The way to be happy is to spend as little as 30 seconds to 2 minutes a day on someone or something you would like to have a changed relationship with. THIS WORKS! When your mind wants to drift back into being right or not thinking thoughts of gratitude because the mind says the other person needs to be punished GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE of gratitude/appreciation with them.

MY EXAMPLE

I myself have had an extremely difficult 2 months with a family member. My sister and I are dealing with some family issues that are  related to an uncle that brought much unhappiness to our family (our entire childhood) that we now have to take care of. He has dementia so he treats us badly much of the time which makes it extremely difficult to continue to do what we are doing for him. We continually hear how disappointed he is in us and angry he is. It begins to wear on us after a point.

After the first few weeks, my sister and I began to hit road blocks with insurance companies, realtors, dmv  and other people and companies we were working with on behalf of my uncle. I realized that after a few weeks of my uncle yelling at us and being so ungrateful we began to speak negatively of him and WE WERE CREATING THESE ROAD BLOCKS!

I recommended we find something we can appreciate about him, anything. This was difficult for us as our childhoods with him did not provide much if anything to be grateful for. BUT, we sat with it and found a couple things. My sister chose to see herself fishing with him and my father when she was 5 years old. I chose to see myself on his shoulders while water skiing like I used to do when I was 8. Those 2 experiences brought us joy. We began to focus on these whenever a negative thought would come in and we wanted to complain about him. Things began to turn around in days for us, everything began to fall into place. It was magical and amazing how fast things changed.

We learned such a great lesson in those few weeks. We learned how quickly we can change our lives with thought.

KEY POINTS

1. Our thoughts and words manifest experiences extremely quickly.
2. We MUST stop talking about anything negative as it will create more negativity.
3. Find the “happy place” and hold that gratitude for 30 seconds to 2 minutes, even when that other person is not being nice to us. THIS alone can change our lives.

Don’t say “I don’t have time to do this.” It’s honestly 30 seconds a day. Who doesn’t have 30 seconds to change their lives? We spend hours at the gym every week to change our bodies but we won’t stay in bed an extra 30 seconds to a minute and focus on positives or appreciation to change our relationship with someone? By sticking with gratitude, we are living a life from love and can only bring more love in, it is law. LOVE =LOVE.

I challenge you to join us for a 30 day life changing activity that will take as little as 2 minutes per day. If you can follow these steps for 30 days I will GUARANTEE that your life will be different at the end of 30 days.

HERE’S THE PLAN

Pick one person that you would like to have an improved relationship with.

Find one memory, JUST ONE from the past where you felt appreciation/gratitude/enjoyment/love for them. If you honestly do not have a memory, imagine a positive experience you would like to have with them.

For at least 2 minutes per day, every day for 30 days, close your eyes and imagine the experience when you felt love/enjoyment/appreciation for that person. Imagine that the experience from the past is happening RIGHT NOW. Put yourself there; be there, fully in your emotions.  Tune into your body and notice how good it feels, you may feel lighter, your heart area opening, you may even feel tears. Whatever you feel is perfect. Just sit in it for a minimum of 2 minutes EVERY DAY.

WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN

Your relationship with that person will change in some way for the better. Don’t expect to know what or how it will change but it will change for the better.

THROUGHOUT THE MONTH

Do your best not to fall into negative thinking about this person you are appreciating. If negative experiences with that person occur, FORCE YOURSELF to not see it and remember your gratitude or fond memory for that person, step back into your meditational focus to get out of your anger/frustration.

DO I HAVE TO DO THIS ONLY WITH A PERSON?

NO! Practice this with ANYONE OR ANYTING you are in a relationship with. You can do this with a business that is not going well or one that you want to go better, a house or car that may be giving you problems or absolutely anything you have a relationship with. For example, food is another thing we all have relationships with. If you are having issues with overeating or under eating, remember a time when you had a healthy relationship with food, even if it’s from when you were 5 years old. Go back there and remember.

PROOF THIS REALLY WORKS.

So why waste your time for 30 days on this? BECAUSE IT WORKS!

I would NEVER suggest something that I have not had experience with. Here are a few examples.

TRACY

Tracy divorced her husband 2 years ago after verbal abuse and control issues for years. He was very angry at her for the divorce and on his weekends with the kids he had gotten to the point where he would text them from the driveway to let the kids know he was there to pick them up. He would not enter the home and definitely not speak to Tracy only through email/text.

Tracy had heard from her other divorced friend’s all of their stories about their ex-husbands and how terrible they were and that they never paid support on time or were late by months etc. Tracy realized that although she and her husband had a strained relationship, he always paid her on time. She decided to find time daily to appreciate his monthly payments coming into her account and that she never once had to ask him. She focused on this daily and had complete appreciation for the money and him directly depositing it.

Three weeks into her daily “appreciation meditation,” her husband showed up to get the kids and saw Tracy out front struggling with the power washer. He walked up to help her and explain why it wasn’t working. The next thing that happened shocked her, he then offered to buy here a new one (since this one was broken) and power wash it for her! He came the next day; power washed, then tilled her back yard and changed the light bulbs on the outside of the house. The following weekend he came back to do more work and Tracy invited him to stay for dinner as a thank you. They had a wine on the back deck, had a nice conversation where he complimented her on what she had done with the house! Needless to say, she was in shock (as he never had complimented her in 17 years of marriage). They now have a relationship that is pleasant and helpful. She wants no part of getting back together with him but loves the relationship that they have now. The ONLY thing she did to make this happen was daily appreciation of the money (as she couldn’t find anything else she liked about him!). Now she has added to her daily appreciation the money and the new relationship/friendship they have and how much easier it is to raise 4 kids with him like this.  AMAZING shift in as little as 3 weeks!

SUSAN

Susan had always had a strained relationship with her mother. Her mother was physically and emotionally unavailable, uncomplimentary, unsupportive and put her down for almost everything.  Growing up and now as a 43 year old, she still struggled to spend time with her. She wanted to change their relationship but didn’t know how. We searched for a memory where she could appreciate her mother. It was difficult but when stretching into childhood (age 7) she realized she felt taken care of and enjoyed the times in the summer when her parents would take her to their relatives farm and they would have so much fun together. I recommended that she step into that 7 year old child and recall the time at the farm and remember her mother smiling and laughing with her. Be the 7 year old again.

Upon doing this for only 3 days, Susan’s mother came to her house and heard Susan disciplining her children (as she has seen for years). When Susan was done, her mother commented to Susan, “You are a much better mother than I ever was.”  She was SHOCKED to hear this! She had NEVER had her mother compliment or praise her and she longed for it. All of this in only 3 days! She has continued to have her daily appreciation meditations and looks forward to more interactions with her mother.

The power behind this is mind blowing to me.  My goal is to get as many people doing this from July 1-30 as possible. If you receive this a few days into July, START TODAY, it’s fine, just get started! Please pass this information along and get friends and other family members to join us for this life changing activity.

I would love your comments on this after the 30 days and if you have any questions regarding this please let me know.

Let’s make some huge changes together! Thanks for joining us.

Namaste,

Michelle

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Brene Brown
From the book:
“The Gifts of Imperfection” Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are – Your Guide To A Wholehearted Life

“One of the most important ways to develop self worth is to respect yourself. This means not putting yourself down and learning to assert yourself when you feel that your boundaries have been crossed or ignored.”  -Author Unknown

On the heels of the last post, Talk Back, this quote caught my eye as it touches on some of my  favorite topics: self worth, self talk and boundaries.

I hear time and time again, “I am not worthy… (of this or that)” or the excuse of… “Must be my worthiness issue.” This quote sums up the importance of not only setting boundaries but speaking up for ourselves when someone has crossed that fine line of one of our boundaries.

What is more common is to beat up on ourselves when someone does or says something not nice or WHAT WE PERCEIVE to be not nice.  It may have nothing to do with us; but, our inner critic has a field day with negative self talk.

When we speak up for ourselves either to that inner critic OR to someone that crossed one of our boundaries,  it is an act of self love and respect which only creates self worth.

Much to my mother’s surprise I am going to spend a few moments encouraging you to TALK BACK!

Disempowerment, depression, anxiety, simple stress, big stress, loss of focus, anger, over eating, drinking or spending, suffering of any kind, the list goes on and on….All of this starts with a thought.

It’s time to monitor our thoughts! Each experience we have whether it be negative or positive begins with a simple thought. The question is, do we choose to  buy into it or not. The key word being CHOOSE.

We CAN disagree with what we are hearing in our minds.We are not helpless to our thoughts.  Our thoughts randomly and continuously come throughout the day. It’s time we ask ourselves, “Do they make me feel good?” OR “Do they make me feel bad?” It’s time we pay attention to what’s free flowing out of our minds. When the first, very small negative thought occurs, pay attention and notice that another one follows a bit larger than the first, then the next a bit larger etc. It’s very rare that we get hit with a whallop of  negative thoughts at once. BUT, the small one’s can build into giant one’s in about a minute. This is due to the Law of Attraction that states “like attracts like.” Therefore, one thought attracts another thought just like it, and with a lot of emotion behind it, that next thought is bigger and stronger than the first. This is why we sometimes feel like we were hit with an avalanche of negative thoughts. It’s a powerful law. This is also why awareness is SO important and stopping the FIRST negative thought as it comes into our awareness.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

TALK BACK to ourselves. When we hear that first negative statement, decide if you want to accept it or not. Here’s a hint….if it makes you feel bad, don’t accept it!

For example, if we hear ourselves saying something like, “I’ll never find a new job in this economy, I’m stuck!” We can respond, to that statement inside our heads and boldly state to ourselves, “Not true!” In that moment, the negative feed that’s coming down the pipeline has stopped!

HAVE A STATEMENT READY

When we hear, “I’m not good enough,” “Not pretty enough,” Won’t pick me because…””Never lose weight…etc. ” Pick a statement, they come all day long! What we can do is have a statement ready to combat the negative statement. So when we hear anything at all that’s negative, we can say “CANCEL,”  “I LOVE MYSELF,”  “I AM WORTHY,” “I AM POWERFUL”or “NOT TRUE!” etc. pick an empowering statement that can be said immediately after the negative statement and use it.  Sometimes the positive statement has to be said over and over. Just keep saying it!

THE CHALLENGE

Try for the rest of the day today not to say anything negative about yourself or anyone. I am not asking to be positive, just stop every time a negative thought comes to mind. This is excellent practice and ultimately if practiced often, life changing.

Our THOUGHTS are SO POWERFUL, they create our realities. We MUST pay attention and begin to talk back to ourselves when we have negative statements or thoughts. Once a negative statement begins, it’s a slippery slope and the others come fast. If we stop them quickly, after hearing the first one, it is without a doubt that our lives, our realities will begin to show up differently, better, more joyful, it is law.

This is an amazing video from the TED conference on vulnerability. Stepping into vulnerability can change a person from the inside out. It will also improve all relationships. This video gives fabulous reasons why vulnerability is something we all need to consider and step into.

What we focus on determines our state. When something happens in our day, we get to choose how we see it-through the eyes (or filter) of the love end of the spectrum or from the fear end of the spectrum. If we choose to see something from the fear side of the spectrum, we may experience anger, fear, frustration or perhaps resentment. It’s all a choice. Have you ever been with someone and watched a movie with them and you cry and they don’t or vice versa? Have you ever been with a group of friends and someone in that group told you about something that happened to them and that friend was raging mad and upset about it. But as you listened, you could not understand why she was so upset; in fact half the group could not see it. This is due to our filters of how we see and experience the world. If our filters are set in more of the fear spectrum, we will have experiences in our lives that get us upset or angry easily. We tend to experience more of the victim mentality if our filters are set down in fear.

Likewise, if we have filters that are more on the love side of the spectrum, we don’t get bothered by much and have happy, balanced days most days. It takes a lot to get us down. It’s like that saying goes, “Is your glass half empty or half full?” Half empty people live more on the fear side of the spectrum and half full live on the love side.

So how do we change? It’s a choice. When something in our experience happens, we in that moment get to choose how we react, most of us just react. The next time something happens, slow down and ask, “Is there any other way I can see this?” “Was my husband really just being mean to me or could he be upset about something else?” “I know my friend really loves me so her reaction doesn’t make sense to me, I’ll give her time.” or how about this one, “That guy just cut me off and almost hit my car…is it possible he isn’t thinking properly? Could something terrible have just happened in his life this morning?” I remember when my father passed away, I cut people off (unintentionally) and probably should not have been driving. There are ALWAYS many, many ways to see and interpret an experience. We base our reactions on our past and what our parents did or what we learned from friends or even media. We get to choose differently.

Empower yourself with your thoughts and ask yourself the next time something happens, “how can I see this from another person’s point of view, in fact let me see if there are multiple points of view and let me choose the one that feels best to me and makes me feel best about myself.”  Choose the thought that feels best and we begin to live from the love end of the spectrum and happiness will prevail and become our dominant emotional state.

The more we consciously choose coming from love the faster our neuro-pathways in our brain change and eventually coming from the love spectrum becomes our natural subconscious (automatic) preference.

I remember growing up saying a blessing before we ate our meals. I never quite understood why we did this until a few years ago when I learned the relationship between food and energy.

This is a beautiful excerpt from the book Nourishing Traditions that reminds us the importance of being present in performing every daily task, even preparing our meals.

“If woman could see the sparks of light going forth from her fingertips when she is cooking and the substance of light that goes into the food she handles, she would be amazed to see how much of herself she charges into the meals that she prepares for her family and friends.

It is one of the most important and least understood activities of life-that the radiation and feeling that go into the preparation of food affect everyone who partakes of it, and this activity should be unhurried, peaceful and happy.  It would be better that an individual did not eat at all than to eat food that has been prepared under a feeling of anger, resentment, depression or an outward pressure, because the substance of the lifestream performing the service flows into that food and is eaten and actually becomes part of the energy of the receiver.  That is why the advanced spiritual teachers of the East never eat food prepared by anyone other than their own chelas.  Conversely, if the one preparing the food is the only one in the household who is spiritually advanced and an active charge of happiness, purity and peace pours forth into the food from him, this pours forth into the other members and blesses them.  I might say that there are more ways than one of allowing the Spirit of God to enter the flesh of man.”  (Maha Chohan Electrons)